gamble

     Life is a game of chance and love, and not much of anything more. You live to play the game, whether you live to win or simply to play. Personally, I play for a love of the game.

Chance is the only truth when truth does not exist. Things happen only because of a dice roll, on a pair of dice made only on the day which they were, only in the place that they were, made only by they whom they where made and rolled only by whom they where rolled by. Everything that has ever occurred has lead up to this moment, only because they played out exactly the way they did. It is pure chance. You can make calculations and predictions and manipulate chance all you may, but at that point, you are forced to recognize that despite however much chance manipulation you practice, you remain in the hands of the very chance you seek to manipulate in first place. Not only this, but if you would continue to zoom out in that way of recognizing how things are, you see now that your very circumstance is a product of chance as well. A loaded die is still a die, and it can still land on its side.

Love is an illogical persuasion that guides you to the table, and sits at your shoulder while you consider your hand. You play your hand because you love, be that loving of your hand or the love of your seat at the table in the first place, you play because you love. You desire because you love what could be, and you hate because you love what isn't. A lack of love isn't a lack of it at all -- it is only a love of what you miss, and a hate of why you don't understand how you feel that way. Sadness is a love of what was, and hope is a love of chance. I feel like hope is an especially important love, because it just means you love the game. You love what could be, but you most importantly love that it possibly could be at all. A hand that reaches does so no matter what direction, no matter what it grasps for.

I hope, and I love that I can do so, because it helps me know why I play. I play for a love of the game at all. I'm just so glad that I have the chance to sit at the table, because if anybody was going to luck into the opportunity to play, I'm so appreciative that it was me. I am so lucky to have exactly as I do, exactly as it has chanced upon me -- not only in part because it's all very nice -- because it means that I get to see the game. Not only do I sit at the table, I can recognize the good fortune I have to sit at all. It's all because of this that I can say that I'm satisfied admitting out loud that I'm just here to play. I'm here to take it all in before I chance out of playing. There's no particular way that I'm not going to spend my time, but I know damn well that I'm going to spend it -- and no matter how I do so or how I feel about it at the time, I can appreciate that I'm getting to play at all. I'm so glad I get to experience that stroke of fortune, and I'm equally as appreciative of my chance to watch everybody else play too.